Key to Positive and Effective Parenting Styles | Manage Your Emotions

The Key to Positive and Effective Parenting Styles | Manage Your Emotions

This article discusses the influence of parents’ reactions on the behavior of younger children and guides on the best ways to respond that help calm children more easily and learn better skills.

Being a parent of a young child is an intensely emotional experience. There is the sheer pleasure of snuggling, nuzzling, playing, laughing, exploring, and enjoying your baby’s daily growth and discoveries. And then there are the challenges — moments of stress, anger, frustration, and resentment — of not knowing what a baby’s crying means and how to calm it down, the irrational demands of a young child, or the aggressive behavior of an older child toward a new baby… These experiences naturally evoke strong feelings that can be difficult to handle.key to positive and effective parenting styles

But it’s important to be in tune with these feelings and manage them because how you react right now is what will make the difference in your child’s development. Your response affects the child’s ability to learn good coping skills and guides future behavior. Imagine a two-year-old boy collapsing because he can’t cope with the fact that you gave him his cereal in the blue bowl instead of the red bowl that is his favorite (as much as it seems incredibly irrational, that’s the life with a small child).

If you react with anger and frustration, it is likely to upset the child more than help calm her and deal with the situation. Learning to manage your reactions is one of the most important ways you can reduce your grief and that of your child. It also teaches children how to manage their own emotions, an aptitude that helps them do better in school, and build friendships and other relationships as they grow.

Many times parents educate children through the same educational or parenting patterns received in childhood through their parents, these are repeated either, by similarity (they do the same thing they did with them) or by the opposition (they do the opposite of what they did with them). To reach an effective and effective education, parents must analyze these communication patterns that they use in interacting with their children.

Part of these interaction patterns, if not managed properly, produces unfavorable effects on relationships with children, some of these are:

Form of interaction Negative consequences on children

A positive form of interaction

  • Giving orders Raises resistance and increases rebellion
  • Give positive directions Give a brief and simple explanation
  • Threaten: seeks to demonstrate power, affects security
  • Show nice alternatives
  • Giving moral lessons generates feelings of guilt and inferiority
  • Talk about the real consequences
  • Distract to flee from the problem: expresses the difficulty of parents to face difficult moments of their children
  • Differentiate between distract-flee, distract-help
  • Criticize, accuse, offend: can generate anger or feelings of shame
  • Be direct and honest but with respect

Among the positive ways of raising and establishing healthy limits, we can mention:

1. Show that you understand and accept the reason why the child does what he/she does (and in his / her judgment is wrong). It helps to use the but (“you want to play with the cart but …”)

i. Offer a solution, or suitable alternatives when facing a situation or when correcting, here it is important to give him the correct notion of time, according to age (“when we leave the office you can play with the cart”)

ii. Help them think of solutions to solve the problems that come their way

2. Show confidence in your child’s abilities and in her desire to learn, assuring her that she will do better next time.

Inner discipline

Internal discipline is obtained through activity … When the child manages to concentrate on what he is doing, he is disciplined.

The objective of the discipline is not on the outside, (verbal correction) but on helping the child to discover her way.

The indiscipline can be muscular (when they are infants), due to a muscular immaturity that is subject to a neuronal incapacity. This indiscipline is not controlled by a mandate requiring the child to be calm, but rather to discover what the child is needing according to their life cycle, and provide it, and this, with the repetition and systematic monitoring of the parents. , will achieve internal discipline in children.

Discipline is not a fact, it is a path that leads to goodness, order, and inner peace; the child who is walking by is the one who behaves well.

By the way, handling strong and negative emotions is much easier to say than to do. But it’s worth the effort, because the rewards are huge, for you and your child. Here are some helpful guiding principles and strategies:

Be in tune with your feelings
Feelings are not right or wrong. It is what you do with your feelings that can be helpful and harmful. What is most important is that you are in tune with your feelings and acknowledge them so that you can make a conscious decision — and not a reflex reaction — on the best way to respond.

Consider behavior in the context of your child’s development and temperament.
Having appropriate expectations is crucial because the meaning you assign to your child’s behavior affects how you handle your own emotions and reactions to the behavior in question.

If you consider the behavior to be manipulative or hurtful on purpose (for example, biting, hitting), you are more likely to react in ways that are going to get worse rather than calm your child. And intense, angry reactions rarely lead to teaching good problem-solving skills. If you consider these behaviors as part of normal development instead, you can approach your child with empathy, making it much more likely that you will respond calmly and effectively.

Remember: You cannot get your child to do something, like eat, sleep, pee or poop, talk, or stop having a tantrum.

What you can control is how you respond to your child’s actions, as this is what guides and shapes their behavior. If having a tantrum leads to more time in front of the TV, going to bed later, or simply getting more attention from you (an important goal for older siblings who are facing great rivalries), your toddler will tie up dots and you will come to an important conclusion: “Tantrums work! Excellent strategy! Let’s put that in the column of those who win. ”

Remember: You cannot get your child to do something, like eat, sleep, pee or poop, talk, or stop having a tantrum.

What you can control is how you respond to your child’s actions, as this is what guides and shapes their behavior. If having a tantrum leads to more time in front of the TV, going to bed later, or just getting more attention from you (an important goal for older siblings who are facing great rivalries), your toddler will tie up dots. and you will come to an important conclusion: “Tantrums work! Excellent strategy! Let’s put that in the column of those who win.”

How to put all that together

Be in tune with your feelings:
For example, the mother is furious and wants to say: “You are the most ungrateful child there is! I have left everything I had to do to supervise, make cookies with you, install the paint kit, etc., etc. It’s never enough!” But she knows that reacting angrily will not teach her son anything and will only add to their grief. She takes a deep breath and thinks about how to respond to help the child learn to manage her strong emotions and accept the limit.

Be in tune with your child and accept it:
This is where it is worth having the right expectations. Laura reminds herself that by age three, children are still largely emotionally driven and that the goal is to help Jaime learn to cope with life’s frustrations and disappointments. Then he calmly says to her: “I know that you are sad and angry because Liam has to go home. You had so much fun playing with him. It is always difficult when a game date is over. But you will be fine. ” It is very important to communicate that you trust that your child can handle her difficult feelings. When you show up to make things better, you’re inadvertently sending the message that he can’t handle disappointment, making you less likely to learn this important skill.

If your child throws you the hook, don’t take it:
Young children will use any possible strategy to get what they want, like more TV time or an extra dessert, or to avoid doing something they don’t like, like getting dressed in the morning or brushing their teeth. The best way to eliminate behaviors that you think won’t work for your child in the real world is to ignore them. So in this case, it means that Laura is not going to respond to Jaime’s provocation: “You are the meanest mom …” It does not distract attention from the limit that she is set, which is generally the goal of pulling hook: controlling the actions of others and avoiding something the child is uncomfortable with.

Set the limit and provide alternatives:
“It’s okay to be sad and angry, but it’s not okay to kick. Kicking hurts. I know you don’t want to hurt me, it’s just making it hard for you to control your body because you’re so upset. So you have two options: you pause to calm your mind and body or you can come to help me put the carrots in the salad for dinner. ” If Jaime still can’t calm down, Laura will go on to do something else, showing her with her actions that she can tolerate that he is unhappy or disappointed and that she trusts that he can calm down. This leaves Jaime the option of staying upset or calming down and spending some time with his mom.

Managing your own emotions helps you feel more in control and frees you to respond to even the most challenging behaviors calmly and effectively.

I am Mary Emma born in 1996 and have been working as a full-time blogger since 2010. The socio-familial context led me to the area of Sciences and universe attending the Astrology course. But her philosophical inclination inclined her to the territory of Astrology, Psychology.