Journey From Personal Love to Unconditional Love
We can hold ideas about what unconditional love is. We can have experiences that remind us of unconditional love, but our social conditioning has cultivated a way of relating that generates pain and conflict. Personal love is the opposite of unconditional love and it is not natural for us, it is something learned. To awaken unconditional love we need to unlearn what is so ingrained in our psyche and thus open ourselves to discover love in which there is no fear of any kind.
The way we see life is a consequence of such conditioned programming that, to broaden our mental spectrum or see life more widely, we need to recognize conditioning and start questioning everything until we find our own answers.
It is a little easy to recognize something that is so ingrained and that it is also seen as something so natural in the behavior of others that we hardly feel that things have to be different. Even when one does a dedicated inner work, everything comes at a time when the person is ready to breakthrough aspects of that conditioning that bind him to a vicious circle.
That moment cannot be planned, it simply arrives. However, the continuous observing interior allows us to be in tune with the thoughts, emotions, and messages of the soul that guide our way.
Because conditioning is so ingrained, we behave assuming that the live training we receive and the beliefs we inherit are our identities. The internal conflicts that we face in life are a very important call to question and recognize that something does not fit and we need to clarify ourselves to achieve harmony. If we suffer from a deep-seated belief that we have, it is certainly dissonant with who we really are but, as long as we do not dismantle that belief, we will not recognize that it has nothing to do with our truth. I will illustrate this with an example.
I fulfilled half a century of existence and the relationships I have had I have lived as they came, thinking they were different with each person. I questioned why there were certain things that seemed to be repeated, especially by the kind of relationships it attracted.
At first, I did not think it was my business. The second relationship, which was similar in some respects, I began to consider whether it will be the other person or will be something in me. So he kept looking at things as they appeared and managed to identify some things that were very similar. Finally, I realized that it was I who attracted these kinds of relationships and that, in order to change the trend, I would have to get to the point in myself that made me attract those people.
Decades spent trying to understand what kept me from attracting a “stable relationship,” the typical idea of a couple until death do us part, true love and other collection of beliefs about marriage or relationships that were sown since childhood.
The interesting thing is that any analysis that did, carried out within conditioning of the same frame of reference. That is, he tried to see the sun fall on the horizon from a room without windows. That is precisely what happens to most of us. We want to understand a situation or ourselves, from the very vision that created that conditioning or identity. There we will not see the sunset, we will only speculate on what we have heard about it. Looking from a new perspective implies realizing that the room without windows is not the only thing that exists.
At that point, we will begin to find a way to open a door or break a wall to get out of there. Until we recognize that, we will continue to seek answers to our disagreements in the same vicious circle of our customary way of thinking and feeling.
So we need experiences that break our schemes and take us to a broader and more comprehensive level. Small processes of transformation can take years to turn the same and the same until, suddenly, one realizes that it is no longer the same, that something happened and is being experimented with a new vision.
To get out of this rooted emotional habit I had to know that there were other possibilities. He has been the stimulus and the two souls the catalysts of that “information”. At first, it came in a subtle and abstract way with sensations that I needed to process.
It seemed utopian what he received, something ideal on a spiritual level but not feasible on a personal level. Between that information and the emotional habit, there was a tremendous gap. To realize that what was being demanded to me was to find the way to integrate that spiritual information in daily life, of itself, was a process with several shakes.
How do I do it? How do I overcome pain, the emotional habit? How do I achieve alignment with that information? It is something so internal and abstract that it seems impossible to manifest but had to find the way. I believe that what has helped me to achieve an initial integration has been to remember and process the mystical experiences of this “unconditional love”, especially, whenever it fell into the emotional habit.
That led me to accept things and was released from suffering. How difficult it was to let go the deepest desire to join with him! Jealousy disappeared when the force of information was greater than the worldly feeling.
The frustration that I want and want someone else left to remember all the love that their soul gives me, even if it is unconscious for him. I imagine, at this point, that many readers will think that this “mystical” experience does not happen all over the world conditionally, and that has facilitated my understanding of the lesson that has brought this encounter.
I can only say that we have to work on the openness and the development of sensitivity in order to be open and to perceive what our soul offers us. We all have the potential to open ourselves to other dimensions. In my case, it has come through songs, dreams, visions, meditations, turtledoves, rhinoceroses, and more expressions of the subtle world that are for those who want to see them.
Recognizing that the process of transformation takes many years has helped me to accept that in this life, quite possibly, he will not remember who I am. That has helped me to let detachment flow in me and has given me the freedom to cultivate other effective relationships.
I still sometimes feel hope, the desire for things to change including him and the fear that this is not real but, unlike the past that consumed me in pain, anxiety, and frustration, now I return to that heart in love and I feel that it is the natural, the true and I no longer suffer. What a path I have traveled so that this has a meaning and is integrated into my daily life! To leave my conditioning, that room without windows, to recognize that the way I handled the relationships, the expectations I had and everything else has been a result of learning, I had a hard time identifying.
How will it be with everything else? Can you imagine what that leaves for the “identity” with which we recognize ourselves as “I”? That is why this is a slow process that must be promoted in the measure of the capacity to be centered, learning to discern, having patience with oneself, being gentle with our mistakes, observing everything we do, say, feel, and then crumble to identify if it relates to our original essence or if it is a consequence of that social training.
Finally, we must trust that our soul can push us to the limits and that it will always give us what we are ready to face. Unconditional love is peace, freedom and now I really understand the teachers who have said that where there is love there is no fear. The axis of personal love is the self and its needs, in the unconditional love that self is diluted and flourishes us, a us that is extending beyond the couple. Do not stop looking for the way to unconditional love because it is the way back home.