4 Lessons you learn when you finally leave the wrong person
Letting go is not always easy.
Sometimes we let go without being aware of what we have. Other times we cling because we feel it is the only thing we can do. And we almost all have a person we think of when we read this. Let’s call that person “the one who left”.
Some people experience this over and over again. Some of us are unlucky enough to fall in love with more than one person over the years. And I say bad luck because that implies that your heart is broken more than once.
There is no person who has been in love who has not experienced the lack of love. Not even one. Never.
It is true that falling in love could be the result of silly luck. But it is not an accident either. That you have found the love of your life by accident is one thing, but choosing to love that person is a different story. You have to open yourself to the possibility that life presents you. And once you fall in love, you have to accept the fact that you are in love.
There are people who go through this process more than once, fall in love too many times just to end up experiencing another new heartbreak. Obviously they are not learning from their mistakes.
But how can you learn from a bad relationship exactly?
Well, you start by accepting that you’ve made a mistake. You chose the wrong person, you chose someone who was not for you. Once you accept that and you get rid of it, you can re-analyze the situation, your relationship and your life as a whole.
Here are some lessons you’ll probably learn when you finally leave the wrong person:
1. There are things you can deal with, and others will simply not flow
You can deal with a certain level of unconcern. You can deal with a certain level of closeness or independence. And most important, you have learned how you want – and do not expect – to be treated.
If your last boyfriend was an asshole, now you know that it will never flow between you. If last girlfriend was a harpy, now you know that you can not deal with someone who is not a good person.
Sometimes we get carried away by our emotions and we do not even realize when someone is intentionally hurting us. But now you’ve got rid of all those things, now you know you need to be respected.
2. Relationships are tremendously important, but you too
Most couples face one of these two problems: someone is absorbed by the relationship and loses control of their own life or someone becomes independent as the relationship becomes a joke.
If you’ve been in a situation like this I hope you understand now that relationships require balance. It can not be just “time for us” or time “for me”. You need both for a healthy relationship.
The people are independent. Losing yourself will damage the relationship. But losing your partner will kill her. To be honest it’s like walking on a tightrope. But as with everything, it will come with practice, and you will become better and better.
3. You are neither the perfect person nor the perfect match
The person you walked away from was not the only “wrong person”; You were not the right one for your partner either.
We all have work to do. Nobody is perfect. We all have defects. We all make mistakes. We say things we do not mean and do not show our appreciation. We all have bad days, bad moods, bad spins. And that’s fine – as long as you accept that you are not perfect and plan to work to be better.
You have learned that you need to work to be a better individual, a better friend, a better partner, and a better human being. Life is about that. Strive to be better every day. And you will begin to struggle when you realize how much you have left to learn.
4. Now that you’ve been in love once, you’ll never stop looking for it
Many of us go out of a relationship by plucking love. We promise that we will never believe that lie again. But this is simply a natural reaction to a hard break.
However, you will end up accepting – sooner or later – that there is no escape from love. You need it in your life. So the smart thing you could do is go thinking about how you’re going to create it.
You can tell that you will never go out with anyone again, but you will change your mind. You will end up accepting that, although it is not easy, having a love relationship in your life is the difference between a life that is worth living and a life that needs some arrangements.
You can pretend not to love again. You can even pretend that you will never tire and that you will make very good decisions, but we both know that is not true. Inevitably you will seek love again. But this time we can skip all the drunkenness and dust of a night, do not you think?
I eat as always, I’ll wait for you next time. A big greeting and a hug, Andrea.